The Pain that Sugar, Sex, and Spirituality Couldn't Fix

By Mama Tiff

Gentle Reminder:

This isn’t a post asking for advice or attention. I’m not looking for solutions. I just want to share honestly, in case it helps someone else know they’re not alone.

Right now, I’m writing this from bed, in the middle of some of the most intense chronic pain and sciatica I’ve ever experienced. Some days, I honestly don’t know how I’ll get up. I have to force myself to sit on the edge of my bed, bend over, and whisper, “You can make it to the bathroom. You can do this.” If I can get moving for just 30 minutes, sometimes that gives me the momentum I need. Other days, I stay here, breathing through it, reminding myself I’m not broken. I’m just in process.

I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia when I was just 16 years old. That alone says a lot about what was happening in my life that never should have happened. From the start, I learned to manage my pain by cutting out sugar. When I got married the first time, my symptoms got even worse, and I tried to fix it through weight loss and zero sugar. With Jack, I have done everything you could possibly imagine - no sugar, no alcohol, no carbs, nothing that brought me pleasure or joy. And none of it “fixed” me.

The truth is, my body is just done carrying all of this. I realized I can either listen to my body now, or eventually be taken down permanently. I am not willing to go out like that. I have just gotten started with my amazing life.

I’ve spent my life as a psychic medium and healer. My spiritual gifts have helped so many people move forward. I’m good at self-care, good at mindset, and I’ve survived tragedies that would make most people collapse. I’ve gotten up, day after day, and lived anyway. But the one thing I never truly faced was all the violence and trauma quietly stored in my tissues, deep in the fascia, deeper in the bones.

For most of us, we’ll do whatever it takes not to see the real truth of what we’ve lived. For years, I could talk about my abuse and trauma because my memories were intact - but I had dissociated the feelings from those memories. I could tell the story, but not feel it.

On Sunday, I went to a bodyworker for the first time. As he worked on my body, things I thought I had already handled came roaring back. Horrific memories and the true feelings behind them - feelings I had buried so deep I forgot they even existed - came right to the surface. Now I am resting, writing, crying, and finally letting myself ask, “Why in the actual fuck was life like that?” The wild part is, nobody ever knew. Not really. I smiled through it, kept going, did my work, helped everyone else, but inside I was carrying agony and shame I couldn’t even name.

But here’s the hope. Things are different now. I am not in that old life anymore. Thank God for my incredible husband, Jack, who is willing to walk through this with me, loving me, holding me, letting me fall apart, and helping me piece myself back together.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been writing songs about my abuse and my healing. They are raw, beautiful, and powerful, helping me heal in ways nothing else has. This morning, for the first time in a long time, I had a whole hour without pain. I was actually able to wake Jack up with a little bit of play time, and it felt like a miracle. It made me realize something might be shifting. Maybe I am finally ready to deal with the deepest wounds and come out the other side softer, stronger, and more alive than ever.

Here’s what I have always known known. We are not on this planet to suffer. The world we grew up in is not the world we live in now. That’s not a bad thing, unless you’re glued to the news and riding the wave of fear. There are new frequencies, new ways to heal, new support all around us, if we’re willing to stop resisting and finally face the pain, the inner fear, and the old survival patterns.

Sometimes pain gets so loud you can’t keep pushing it away. That’s when you know it’s time to step out of resistance, face the hard stuff, and let yourself feel and heal. It’s brutal, it’s beautiful, and it’s possible. I know it in my bones.

If you’re in this place too, hurting, holding stories inside your bones, wondering if you’ll ever feel whole, I see you. You’re not alone. Healing is possible, even when it feels impossible. We all get to a point where we can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. That’s when the real work begins. That’s when you walk through the fire and come out the other side changed, real, and free.

I’m not “fixed,” not “healed,” but I’m here, living, breathing, loving, and trusting that life is always moving us toward wholeness, even when it hurts.

We’re all in this together, walking each other home.
— Mama Tiff

THIS IS THE QUEEN’S PATH

To learn more about walking the Queen’s Path, explore upcoming programs with Tiff & Jack [The Courage to Be Seen (Livestream on Thursday, November 6th, 2025)]..